I’m asked so often what my future will be as a young onset schizophrenic. Anyone who understands the condition knows that it’s not a positive prognosis, but the truth is there is no test to be able to tell apart from time.
My main purpose for doing this post is to raise awareness for just how serious my condition can be, but also to show that you can’t fit everyone with this label into the same neatly wrapped up box.
Medically, my condition should cause me to deteriorate gradually or rapidly, constantly. The end would ultimately be losing my mind- sorry for the negative terms but not too sure how else to describe it. Even worse than that, in the majority of cases, the end is suicide. The likelihood of ever having a career, home, or functioning family is slim to none, and I would generally be dependent on carers for the rest of my life- which is currently my parents.
I hate being so negative about my condition, but I wanted to lay out the facts, to just show how serious it can be, and the medical predictions. But I do NOT feel negatively about this. So far, I’ve been told that I am defying expectations, however I have only been under observation for 18 months which isn’t all that long in the course of things- meaning things may change.
So with all of that being said, I am currently working towards my degree, I’m about to start volunteer work, and am even looking at starting to work towards a career. These are all things I shouldn’t be able to do. After discussion with my parents, I am even going to start one of the new first buy scheme with the bank. I was looking at moving out to go to University just before I was pulled from college, and was really looking forward to the independence. The only reason I was not sectioned back then was because I was living with my parents, so perusing the ambition of having my own place does go against the advice of doctors right at the minute. However I can not live my life as a child forever. I’m 19, 20 in March, and the life I’m being recommended by the health professionals is that of someone half my age, and no where near where I want to be. To this I say NO!
I do NOT fear my illness, I hate it. This is what drives me to continue to defy all the odds and statistics- if you sit around expecting something to happen, then it will. You have to do something about it to have any chance of it not happening to you. I scare my doctors, as they say the way I approach my illness could cause me to deteriorate more rapidly, to become more of a harm to myself. However what life would it be if you sit around waiting for what may or may not happen?
I’m not sure if I have any other Schizophrenics following me, but if I do, please do not let your illness rule your life. I know it can seem hard, I have voices, and visual hallucinations 24/7- and my delusions come and go, so I appreciate how major a part of your life this can be. But ultimately, you can ignore it- I don’t mean that you don’t let it affect you, I mean you don’t do as they say. It’s tough, nothing is easy when it comes to psychosis, but it can be done. You have to lay out for yourself, what you want to do, and work out ways in order to do it. I had severe social anxiety a year ago because of my voices and delusions, I didn’t leave the house for 3 months. It took me time to realise how much I wanted to achieve from life, and in my mind that left only two options- live the life I want to live, or quit living. The latter was no option…
So I leave you with this;; I’m a Schizophrenic, and to my illness I say- SCREW YOU!